Dragonflies 👐

I see them everywhere, I see them flying near me when I’m down, when I’m struggling, when I need a sign, when I’m looking for hope, when I need to feel her close to me. No one could ever understand what I’ve seen, what I’ve been through, what was taken from me. I lived death; I saw it, I overcame it, I swam through it. The knowing of what it feels like to lose the one woman who gave you life, who raised you, who taught you everything, who fought through endless suffering. Who is on the other side watching over you as you go to war with the world. As she watched her baby be crucified for no reason at all. As she saw all his old friends and loved ones turn on him and betray him out of hate and greed. Who took bribes with his own stolen money to spread lies and fake gossip on her son, for no good reason other than to play along in a sick and twisted game they had no idea what the cost would be. She saw her own son go through the same death she did, saw her own family turn against him and choose sides over her own blood. Saw him spend countless nights alone crying out to her, saw him spend her last breaths at her bedside when everyone else left. Just herself and her firstborn. It was us against the world, a complicated and at times emotionally challenging relationship. But one of ultimate love and trust in each other. To not leave each others side even in the hardest of times, to never give up no matter the cost, to never stop fighting no matter what we were up against. What everyone failed to realize when they bet against me, swore I’d never make it. That I’d never survive, I’d never overcome all those odds. Was that I spent almost a decade of my life absorbing what a true survivor looked like, what we went through together, what I saw the woman I loved more than life itself endure, what a true warrior of God looks like. I had a front row seat to pain, to love, to pursuit, to never ending surrender. We overcame death together, she sacrificed her life for mine. She showed me what it takes to have faith, she will always be in my heart, she will always be by my side. She was and always will be everything to me, I see her everywhere, I see her in every dragonfly, I see her in me. I am a part of her-- as she lives through me today. I put my life on the line because I watched her do it for me. She took on the things I couldn’t, she watched me breakdown, she watched me be overcome with rage in facing the inner demons of thought that I would lose her one day. I battled everyday with the fear of waking up and imagining her not being there anymore. For almost a decade I woke up to check if she was still with me, not knowing when the time would come that I would lose everything, and I’d be here all alone. You think I fear anything after all that? You think I care what any of the lies you told say about me, after living through pain & suffering you never saw, that none of you could ever overcome or mentally compound. It shows that none of you never truly knew me, you never took the time to understand what I was going through, what all of that took out of me. Your lives went on day after day lost in your own way of selfish pursuit, of your greed, things that made you “happy”. When inside I was dying, because I saw what all of you never had the courage to face-- that true value lies in the little things. It lies in the loving moments and memories of our loved ones and their love for us. Money comes and goes, it doesn’t go with us when we take our last breath. What goes with us is the love we held, is the fleeting feeling of holding hands with our moms and dads, our grandmas and grandpas when we were but little ones. How the way they held us and put our tiny little hand in theirs felt, like the safe place where we could be loved. The feeling of knowing they’d protect us, they’d keep us safe from the evil world that wants to steal from us, kill us, and destroy us. What it means to be a parent; a protector, a caretaker. Holding onto a lifetime of love for our little versions of ourselves God was so gracious in giving us. This is why I will be the best dad in the entire world when I have my first baby-- I know what true love looks like; she showed me. She was the greatest example of what sacrifice looked like, what responsibility looked like. She did it all the right way--she didn’t lie, she didn’t steal, she didn’t put money above me. She put me above herself, and for that I am eternally grateful. Even if I came from nothing I still had everything; because I had her, I had her love. I had someone who was determined to love me no matter how difficult I became. So now I am determined to make her proud. I am her son. I am the first in our entire bloodline to break every curse. To set all of us free, to change the world; A once and a generational chain breaker, the destiny weaver with wings resting in a field of dragonflies. Mama I love you, we made it. I hope you’re proud of me...

With purity,

-ISAC